Haunted Shreddies.

It is quite late but John is not home because he has gone to see Ron Sixsmith with Digby Ogg. I have made John a very nice supper with roast chicken and grated lemon zest by Nigella Lawson, but I know he will be very late home so I leave it on the cooker and, as Maisie is staying the night with Siobhan, I decide to go to bed and listen to The Archers on my computer. On The Archers, Linda, who is married to Mike Baldwin from Coronation Street is digging a huge hole for herself by making up a friend from Jersey so that she can have an affair with someone, whose name escapes me. Meanwhile Tom wants to make sausages and can't because he has to milk cows. I know the feeling.
Anyway, I am just getting into bed when I get a text from Kate. It says 'Hi, I hope you are well (I haven't seen Kate for ages). Then it says 'Sorry to be out of touch, I've had a flurry of phone disasters. I was just wondering if John's newspaper would be interested in my box of Shreddies. It's unopened and it's moving, sounds like it has a live mouse inside!' I am so excited, 'It comes from Tesco' she adds.
This is such fun. Tesco have just been in the most enormous trouble for selling their Eight For a Pound Beef Burgers absolutely chock full of horse meat. This is very dangerous because most of the horse that ends up in the human food chain comes from ex event or racing horses which are chock full of toxic anti-inflammatory and performance enhancing drugs. Maybe Lance Armstrong didn't take all those drugs to win the Tour de France fifteen times after all. maybe he just lived off Tesco's Eight For a Pound beef Burgers.
Anyway, I phone John who is at the Ron Sixsmith gig. 'I can't really really talk,' whispers John. This is a very quiet gig,' he murmurs. I tell him very quietly about the Tesco's Shreddies with the potential mouse inside and John tells me to phone Jock on the night desk of their newspaper.
Jock is very laconic. Jock is a bit like John Lennon. 'Yeah,' he says, 'would be good if we could get a live mouse out of a box of Shreddies.' Jock says they'll send someone over to Kate's house.
I go back to The Archers. On The Archers there's someone having a baby and a village shop and a person who is quite clear that at no point is her husband going to help Tom With The Sausages with the milking.
Much later I get a text. 'How embarrassing a photographer and a reporter turned up and there was nothing in the box.'
O well.